All efforts towards rationality gives me momentory peace. The thought of being alone is not scary as we all are alone in the most crucial moments of life. The thought of not having her as my partner, with whom i want to share my pleasure and pains, makes me sad.
How do i become wise!! When i am not sure that its wisdom that i want.
As of this day i have seeked only love and warmth, Where does it come from?
I am not perfect, nor is anyone else in this world.. we make mistakes, we make wrong judgements, we fail to understand situation as they are in the wisely manner.
I have made a mistake! i failed to see things as they are!!
My intuiton says that nothing is completely lost unless we want it that way.
N yes i do to put a part of the blame on her "her, who now seems to be far away n untouchable"
but in my heart, i know that i cant stop loving her, purely for the reason that i love the way she is and attracted to her for her boldness, strength to handle herself in a pressure situaion, ability to take decisions and believe in what she wants. Some people told me its selfish, though i fail to see it that way, even though it hurts alot be not a part of her life.
Today i am learning to cope up with a loss, its diffcult though, just coz i know that its not lost, just hiding somewhere, teasing me, testing me... to be sure that i am the one who has the strength, the power and the intimacy to keep a life long relation.
These are thoughts that circles around me, all the time. Let me use this hour to strenthen my soul, to be able to handle pressures, to become something that allows someone else to believe that i am good enough to be with.
I want to tell her, " her who is a mirror of reality of life in this era, which i am so ignorant of or try to keep away from, in my quest of peace n purity" that i will try to learn n understand things as they are.
