Sept. 21st...

Blessings of your father,
in my dreams....

his voice simple,friendly
a little concerned.. about you

I saw you.. i saw him
he asked me to hold your hand..
walk with you.

my insecurities disappear, i smile, i love, i care
my lips touched urs..so peaceful it felt..
deep in my sleep,
i sleep now..childlike..
peaceful in your arms.

Surrender

surrender..
its beautiful,
when we loose all fear, loose all desire...

and find bliss in acceptance..
where we have,
no control.. no fear..

thoughts transform into being... becomes a part of us...

its beautiful...
is this ecstacy??
when i m not being myself...
but just being... alive !

i resisted all my life..
had my thoughts and formed my own perception for everything..
questioned everything taught to me...

it started happening, jab we met
it happens now,
i loose it all....and have no resistance..
it happens now...

when i breathe life
when i look at the flickering candle light
when i look into your eyes
when we make love ..

my love.. we make love all da time,

we make love when look at each other
we make love when we walk together
we make love when we hold hands
we make love when we feed each other
we make love when we cry
we make love when we feel shy

I surrender now, to the horizon,to the blue sky, to mother earth, to life....
to you...
my sweet surrender.

seduction

Love seduces me,
my heart warms up..
my mind resists,
i give up....

finding neverland..
i loose myself in you..

my soul struggles..
the force is strong...
tears flow down,
kissing my cheek..
like drops of rain, on burning earth...

Buddha doesn't help...
Osho doesn't work.......

its you...

my wisdom..my knowledge..my transformation
my soul craves for ur smell,
i take deep breath....

the air is dry..my eyes stuggling to cry
i kiss ur feet.. its the nectar of life..
let me lie down.. in ur feet..
let me cry

wings

I loose myself... only to find you..
you, who i call life...

you, who has given me a direction..
a meaning to my life..
i was empty.. fragile..
i wasn't able to feel the touch of a human skin..

now that i came across my life..
i understand, how lonely i was....

nourish me now..
take me higher...
ur love has given me wings..
i never had..

i will fly now
fly with you
high on life

strange wilderness

Drops of rain touching the soul,
penetrating through my body...

Emptiness.. desire.. joy
Love.. tenderness..life
your touch.. ur breath.. ur lips.. ur skin... ur smell...
makes me feel at home.. wherever i am....

as long as u r close...

My life.. my lover..
let distances make no difference..
lets feel the wind.. the sun.. which touches both of us...
no matter where, we are.

I feel my own skin at times..
touch myself... to feel you...my life

I was lost once...
when i had the loved one's close to me...

Not anymore...

My feet found meanings.. to live..
when it found you..
waiting for me to passby...
waiting for me to turn around & look into ur eyes...

My eyes met urs, and i lost all sense of worldly possesions..
only to find us..together..

auroville

spending the last week with you...
in the greens of auroville..

coming across ur fears.. feeling ur pain deep in my skin..
my love for u has gone deeper...
deeper than my understanding.. deeper than any logic..
deeper than my self..

it hurts immensely when i see you looking at the blank....
searching for the ghost that tortures ur soul...

it hurts.. to be so close yet so distant.. that i cant kill that ghost in ur thoughts...
one day my love... it will go.. .. for..ever...

my love will win it over.. the devil that tortures ur soul..

that day.. i will.. i will.... celebrate diwali..
when ur soul will be free.. from fears.. from tears.. from pain....

in the greens of auroville.. we made love.. so pure.. so serene..

walking by the cactus.. i felt the thorns...

but my love.. i trust life.. to be fair.. to soulful.. souls..
hold my hand.. and walk away..

far away from your past... far away from your fears... far away from your pain

my love.. my life.. we will celebrate diwali soon.

my feet..

i walk.. around... round n round...
in search of my life...

one day.. my feet walk me down...
to life... to you...

we walk together... me n my life..
for a while..
then i go..
to another world.. another life..

i think of you,
often... often is an understatement... i breathe you every momemnt..
my life...

Freedom... let walk with the wind

Freedom... is it all about ourselves or can we be free together ..
with you .. my life..

i wonder...
.. its possible..
if we are free of the human weaknesses... social weaknesses.. jealousy.. distrust.. insecurity.. loyalty ... expectations... and every single thing that is taught to us... told to us.. by the world...

Its possible.. if we are empty.. its possible.. coz then there will be only..

life....

help me clean my system.. help me empty myself.. its happening... but the transition is slow.. its painful... but one day... when we are empty.. we will be free.. together.. ready to fly.. ready to try...
to risk it all for there may be no tommorow..

Watch me.... naked..inside out..now or never

Fashion... yes..that's what i was watching last night.
At a time when i was keeping myself sane.. being certain in uncertain moments....

It says alot.. while i watch it i connect to myself.. my surrounding.. my aspirations.. and the concept of self-beleif... attitude...

I always wondered if life should be controlled... by an element or let free to find different elements...

Freedom... its a high... a heavy intoxicant... yet a beautiful release...

it happens on acid... the built up... its beautiful... sitting on top of all... no thoughts .. just watchful.. everything crystal clear.. friends, family, aspiration, career.. most of all the truth of people... its wonderful to be able to watch their strength & weakness.. naked.. the margin for error is small... we may fall... its too high... the moment i loose conncetion with myself.. i m gone..

i connect with you at the same level... you who i call life... where thoughts dissappear and watchfulness is in motion... i understand now... the margin for error is even smaller here... let me take my time to understand you ... let me give you time to understand me... my life...

attachment... detachment...paradox... similarity

In the most intense moments i understood this fact about life... two completely oppsite things always... walk together... life poses a choice and challenges to choose and to understand...

security... insecurity...
faith...doubts...
pain...extacy...

do we understand that its not a choice we have to make... it could be something else.... its not always a test... still its always a test...

while walking down the roads of old manali... talking to a friend... i heard about the act of balance...life...

didn't understand it then... it took a long time... i always pondered over it.. it never came to me...

one day ... dont know when and where it happened... i understood what my friend was talking about... i thought i know it now....

how silly of me... to think i know something which transforms every moment... yes i m talking about life.. new feelings... new sensation... new pain... new loneliness... new responsibilities... new expectations... new challenges...new path...

always thought i will not be able to take responsibilities.... coz it chains my spirit... keeps me attentive towards the element called society... i wanted to live.. to learn... to fly... to find my own pace... to walk...

its all there.. but i feel differently... elementary change... i have know idea myself how deep it is... sometimes i feel its gone deeper than my soul,my mind,and my exhistence.. sometimes it just feels like a changing season... where we feel differently but then it becomes all the same again....

"amma" says... life is not in our hands... the universe is big... with all our intelligence we cant understand it .. let alone control it...

krishnamurty... gosh... cant understand him... too high for me... though recently during the moments of tears.. iread something that stays in me... past is past... we collect it.. we keep it... but we cant live it.. our dreams.. our projections.. our plannings... ... can it be based on the experiences of past?? we still try.. try to foresee future... and connect the present.. to something that made us sad.. something that made us happy...

this post may be abstract... but so are my thoughts right now...

i want to compose again.. not based on the past ... not on desires... but on life... i want to feel you.. understand you.. consume you... yet again... with a new desire...

u make me wonder agian... life...life... life...

reflection of myself ..... or is it you..

my exhistence.. my perception... my truth...
is it me?? is it? who am i.....
where do i come from....

i do certain things... why?
my behaviour.. my attitude.. my life...
who runs it.. me???

i see a reflection of myself..
when someone is hurt by my actions..
when i make someone happy...

it nourishes me.. it drains me...
all at the same time...

it bothers me .. when i hurt you...
i fail u .. i fail myself..
they say it's not me.. it's my past..
my exhistence.. my beliefs.. my eduction
that drives my actions and my thoughts..

eyes leave an imprint on my soul.. my head and my heart..
i see what i see.. i hear what i hear...
its not all positive .. not at all times....
infact not at most of the times....

i wonder... how wonderful it would be ..
to be blind.. to be deff... to be a lunatic.....
peaceful and serene i guess...

should i let go....
or try harder.......

is it control... or freedom..life

all i know...
i cant loose you..
my sanity.. my humanity... my life

surviving my dreams

voices of a small child
deep rooted beleifs..
a child grow.. watchful ..
of life around him...

over fed by all the right values of live...
ready to vomit ... at the very first chance....
hopes...expectations.. grow with the nemerical growth in age...
more than us .. its our surrounding..

we try to move on... small baby steps...
chained from head to toe... by responsibilities... expectation.....
life is never discovered... never let free....
fearful to give wings.... we forget to run.. let alone fly....

child becomes an adult... wants to break free... youth.. energy... knocking on the door,
we move on....

we have been told... made understand and remember...
u cant walk..u cant get up.. cant make decision.. u haven't seen life yet...

so true... we haven't seen life... may be we see it one day..
just before we die...