In the most intense moments i understood this fact about life... two completely oppsite things always... walk together... life poses a choice and challenges to choose and to understand...
security... insecurity...
faith...doubts...
pain...extacy...
do we understand that its not a choice we have to make... it could be something else.... its not always a test... still its always a test...
while walking down the roads of old manali... talking to a friend... i heard about the act of balance...life...
didn't understand it then... it took a long time... i always pondered over it.. it never came to me...
one day ... dont know when and where it happened... i understood what my friend was talking about... i thought i know it now....
how silly of me... to think i know something which transforms every moment... yes i m talking about life.. new feelings... new sensation... new pain... new loneliness... new responsibilities... new expectations... new challenges...new path...
always thought i will not be able to take responsibilities.... coz it chains my spirit... keeps me attentive towards the element called society... i wanted to live.. to learn... to fly... to find my own pace... to walk...
its all there.. but i feel differently... elementary change... i have know idea myself how deep it is... sometimes i feel its gone deeper than my soul,my mind,and my exhistence.. sometimes it just feels like a changing season... where we feel differently but then it becomes all the same again....
"amma" says... life is not in our hands... the universe is big... with all our intelligence we cant understand it .. let alone control it...
krishnamurty... gosh... cant understand him... too high for me... though recently during the moments of tears.. iread something that stays in me... past is past... we collect it.. we keep it... but we cant live it.. our dreams.. our projections.. our plannings... ... can it be based on the experiences of past?? we still try.. try to foresee future... and connect the present.. to something that made us sad.. something that made us happy...
this post may be abstract... but so are my thoughts right now...
i want to compose again.. not based on the past ... not on desires... but on life... i want to feel you.. understand you.. consume you... yet again... with a new desire...
u make me wonder agian... life...life... life...
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